Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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