whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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