Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im part way to drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
