LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
