if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
