my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
