i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
