i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
