she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
