do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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