So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
