ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
