i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
