How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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