shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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