I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
