i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
