I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
