talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
