when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
