some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
