You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
