Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
