Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
being pregnant is like rehab
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
