Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
