My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
