im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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