I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
whose ass print is on the piano?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
