How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
