ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
