I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
