connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We left the knife in your bed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize