i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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