also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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