Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
