We're like a lot better than the average bears
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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