Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
