Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
