I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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