Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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