i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
