Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
