I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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