well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
