I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
