i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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