Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
