I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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