took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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