instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
