Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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