Midget sex pt 2 tonight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
