Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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