with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize