There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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