Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
