then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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