You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
