Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
