if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
