I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
