yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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