I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
