I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
