Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
