after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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