Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
