just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
