You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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