So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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