y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
