It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
