my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
