its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
