we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
