I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
