So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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