i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
