I wanna bring you to show and tell
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
