She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Randomize
