so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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