Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if only i could text you this smell
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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