if you like me you must not know who I am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
